irony; inadequately restless

this entry's purpose is to vent instead of writing with the intention of someone potentially reading the following, which i don't really expect.

I was right. July did fly by, and I really hadn't had a chance to breathe until moving here. but in all honesty, i still feel [mentally] unsettled. I'm glad I remained busy last month spending time with my family and traveling before I left. being so preoccupied without much time to think, in a way, gave me encouragement as I knew the running around would be over soon enough and I'd be able to settle and relax, at least somewhat. as a result of paying off my first month's rent, rent deposit, and leftover bills before I left, as well as the move itself, I was (and am) left with much less money than I had intended. i've spent the past 2 weeks looking endlessly for any job that would bring in money the quickest and finally got a job at a diner downtown, which I'm definitely fine with for the time being. I've been extremely distracted, thinking about my parents' divorce and how weird it is that my dad just moved out and now lives in an unfurnished apartment with the exception of a bed a couple miles away from the house I grew up in. I had come to accept their [my parents'] separation, and realize this is what they need to do in order to "be happy and grow." but damn, it's still a heartbreaking situation. my mom is also in shambles, enough that I was considering not moving and staying in ohio simply to be by her side. being the stubborn and amazing person she is, she would never allow this.

I've never let lack of money bother me, and this was especially easy to say when I was making enough to pay bills and go to shows. but when it gets in the way of certain set plans I had for myself, I can't help but allow it to eat at me. I know i'll be fine, and I guess this is expected as I didn't have a lot saved before I left, but now all I can think about is going back to ohio to see my parents and visit nikki while she's here. rationality and money (or lack thereof) result in the trivial cause of my current overwhelming anxiety. over-analyzing and/or worrying about nugatory matters gets me nowhere--i'm all too aware of this.